[NfaSIR] Exes and Ohs
Oct. 6th, 2010 12:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
corvaxgirl* April is sick as a dog. I am not feeling too hot myself. I think I've got some kind of con crud/cold/fibro/nebulous stinky cat syndrome thing going.
* It's been falltastic at our casa. James made us mulled cider, I gave it a go making it last night adding a little cardmom and allspice which turned out well, we've been roasting meat, making soups and making pumpkin loaves.
* Crucible went really well, I got pulled onto a panel which I pretty much expected. Got to hang with some of our blagosphere pals, got to see pics of Jason's kids, Jow gave a v. good lecture on alchemy, Jason gave a v. good lecture on his Strategic Sorcery, James modded two panels v. well and the after party was super fun. I can't remember the last time I was up that late.
* April and I had a lot of fun slinging drinks at the bar at the after party (the candied apples and pumpkin pie shots were a success next time though only two small packets of gelatin), half surly/half flirty and all gossip. I was going for a ballerina chic look with a cami top, grey wrap sweater, LC understated not poofy tulle skirt, tights and ballet flats. But no matter how much I insisted that: (a) this is fashionable for fall this season, damnit (b) that it took her literally all night to realize it was tulle (c) it was an LC from a regular retailer (d) I don't plan on wearing it to the grocery store (e) She owns light up bunny ears, nothing would shake her impenetrable cackle of, You're wearing a tutu! Now I will be wearing it to the grocery store. With her. Because she is no fun. ;p
* Ugh. I feel like booboo as Jennifer from Jennifer's Body would say. I'm going to take pills as soon as I get home.
* Sunday Jow and I went to Mastoris and then to Trader Joes for stuff to make yummy dinner. Mmmmm, Mastoris bread.
* Maybe I'm dehydrated? I'm not sure.
* So, about three years ago, I got married. It's just so strange thinking about it now, thinking that I would have been with Wasband for ten years. The day itself is a blur, mostly unhappy things stick out unfortunately - burying my cousin three days before, his widow two years younger than me, bridesmaid disputes, my sister being a hot mess at the time, crying on my wedding night that I didn't want anything to change between us, that I loved our relationship the way it was, leading me to be an abandoned bride on my first wedding anniversary with no one to eat the cake with. But I remember glimmers of good things too - Shawn's Madonna-esque prayer circle in the limo while we drank shots together, my sister buying me caviar at the afterparty at Red Square, Bob smuggling pink champagne in the limo for me since I only managed half a glass of wine at the reception, John following behind me with my cup in his hand. The fact that I don't really remember anything happy about the day with wasband himself is . . .telling. But, the wedding process was just so difficult and burying all those people that year even more so. We were tapped out. Also, it's really really hard for me to feel feelings on cue. With everyone being like TODAY IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE! I was like, ummmm. . . okay? It's a lot of pressure and a lot of pressure for everything to be ROMANTIC AND PERFECT. Which is why if I ever get married again, it would not be an epic production. Something with a quick justice of the peace ceremony and a v. casual small reception, like at a restaurant or something.
* It's sort of terrifying in an exhilerating sort of way how much of a different person I've become in two short years. As one of my friends said to me today, "you were all stuck inside a smothering cocoon where you thought you were safe and cared for and protected
and then it was like the fuck you bug came and kicked you out cause you weren't _____ enough. Then you were where like NO FUCK YOU. See my wings??? I will blow everyone away with my awesomeness!! ::flutter flutter::"
* I realized in the last few days that I've really manifested myself into the adult I always wanted to be. It was really hard, and it took a v. long time, but I'm really happy where I am. I'm excited to start a paying writing career, I love our little rabbit burrow of a condo, I'm happy in my relationships, less stress in my life, more clear on what I want, happier in my body than I've been in a long time, throwing killer parties, living within my means, in control of my health and finances and just . . .happy. All the body work I've been doing lately has made it so I'm finally starting to not shlump around and feel awkward and apologetic about my existance. I feel like I've finally given myself permission to be awesome again for reals full time and it feels really, really good.
* It's been falltastic at our casa. James made us mulled cider, I gave it a go making it last night adding a little cardmom and allspice which turned out well, we've been roasting meat, making soups and making pumpkin loaves.
* Crucible went really well, I got pulled onto a panel which I pretty much expected. Got to hang with some of our blagosphere pals, got to see pics of Jason's kids, Jow gave a v. good lecture on alchemy, Jason gave a v. good lecture on his Strategic Sorcery, James modded two panels v. well and the after party was super fun. I can't remember the last time I was up that late.
* April and I had a lot of fun slinging drinks at the bar at the after party (the candied apples and pumpkin pie shots were a success next time though only two small packets of gelatin), half surly/half flirty and all gossip. I was going for a ballerina chic look with a cami top, grey wrap sweater, LC understated not poofy tulle skirt, tights and ballet flats. But no matter how much I insisted that: (a) this is fashionable for fall this season, damnit (b) that it took her literally all night to realize it was tulle (c) it was an LC from a regular retailer (d) I don't plan on wearing it to the grocery store (e) She owns light up bunny ears, nothing would shake her impenetrable cackle of, You're wearing a tutu! Now I will be wearing it to the grocery store. With her. Because she is no fun. ;p
* Ugh. I feel like booboo as Jennifer from Jennifer's Body would say. I'm going to take pills as soon as I get home.
* Sunday Jow and I went to Mastoris and then to Trader Joes for stuff to make yummy dinner. Mmmmm, Mastoris bread.
* Maybe I'm dehydrated? I'm not sure.
* So, about three years ago, I got married. It's just so strange thinking about it now, thinking that I would have been with Wasband for ten years. The day itself is a blur, mostly unhappy things stick out unfortunately - burying my cousin three days before, his widow two years younger than me, bridesmaid disputes, my sister being a hot mess at the time, crying on my wedding night that I didn't want anything to change between us, that I loved our relationship the way it was, leading me to be an abandoned bride on my first wedding anniversary with no one to eat the cake with. But I remember glimmers of good things too - Shawn's Madonna-esque prayer circle in the limo while we drank shots together, my sister buying me caviar at the afterparty at Red Square, Bob smuggling pink champagne in the limo for me since I only managed half a glass of wine at the reception, John following behind me with my cup in his hand. The fact that I don't really remember anything happy about the day with wasband himself is . . .telling. But, the wedding process was just so difficult and burying all those people that year even more so. We were tapped out. Also, it's really really hard for me to feel feelings on cue. With everyone being like TODAY IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE! I was like, ummmm. . . okay? It's a lot of pressure and a lot of pressure for everything to be ROMANTIC AND PERFECT. Which is why if I ever get married again, it would not be an epic production. Something with a quick justice of the peace ceremony and a v. casual small reception, like at a restaurant or something.
* It's sort of terrifying in an exhilerating sort of way how much of a different person I've become in two short years. As one of my friends said to me today, "you were all stuck inside a smothering cocoon where you thought you were safe and cared for and protected
and then it was like the fuck you bug came and kicked you out cause you weren't _____ enough. Then you were where like NO FUCK YOU. See my wings??? I will blow everyone away with my awesomeness!! ::flutter flutter::"
* I realized in the last few days that I've really manifested myself into the adult I always wanted to be. It was really hard, and it took a v. long time, but I'm really happy where I am. I'm excited to start a paying writing career, I love our little rabbit burrow of a condo, I'm happy in my relationships, less stress in my life, more clear on what I want, happier in my body than I've been in a long time, throwing killer parties, living within my means, in control of my health and finances and just . . .happy. All the body work I've been doing lately has made it so I'm finally starting to not shlump around and feel awkward and apologetic about my existance. I feel like I've finally given myself permission to be awesome again for reals full time and it feels really, really good.
