Good news everybody!

1. I received an email from the editor and he said it was okay if my story got to him on March 1st, so if it's rejected it will be on the basis of it sucking (. . . okay, fine. With an anthology, it's not always about the story sucking, it's about theme and story length and who blew who for a spot, blahblahblahblah), so now my stomach just eats itself until Easter-ish in a flurry of What Could I Have Done Better and You Will Never Ever Be Published Again!

2. I found a great deal on travelocity to get out to Kansas City for the wedding. So great, that once my sister okays this and I confirm with B. that she's rock solid on the date, Jow will be able to go and see KC! She may pick out a dress I like, perhaps even in a likable color. I live in hope.

3. I thought I had a March 1st deadline, it's appearing as though I do not. These nebulous deadlines are bugging the hell out of me! But I have another polite inquiry in. Which means I can possibly take a little time off to get my brain to work again, and I'd be looking more at a March 15th deadline on a bunch of stuff.

4. Spinning beads into yarn is harder than I thought, now that my spinning has gotten better, ironically! But I found a good method on Bellwether (of course!) that worked really well after I fought with it much of the night because I couldn't find good instructions. For the curious (it feels v. duh once I found it). I am tragically low on roving right now, the new shipment should come any day!

A Day in the Life (I just want to be okay/ be okay/ be okay today)

I don't often talk about what it's like for me when I'm in a flare up, because I'm concentrating on just trying to function. But here is a play by play:

8:15a - alarm goes off

8:35a - get out of bed. If Jow is home, great. He can help me get dressed and save some spoons. He can find me socks and put my bracelet on for me and hook my bra. Can only wear "easy" things - pull on pants, sweater, uggs. Brush teeth, brush hair, take (3) pills.

8:50a - drive into work, listen to NPR. The cold is a problem, it's flaring me worse.

9a - put on space heater which helps a lot. Do work stuff.

11a - Start feeling tired. Need to push through the day, because no time off and bills are due. Have trouble focusing on work because it feels like low grade flu symptoms - a little fuzzy headed, tired, achy, etc.

12p - Realize that food smells weird and tastes weird like it sometimes does. Shove some down. Still smell weird smell.

2p - Having trouble sitting in chair. Try to get comfortable, not possible.

2:30p - Can't ignore the extra pain* anymore. Have to push through.

4p - Leave work. Had to stay late to make up lost day.

4:15p - Assess spoons when at home. Realize yoga not likely. Massage = hurty. Brain too foggy to write. Brainstorm? Hack off bits of a story? Maybe. Can manage sewing and tv. Try to stay hydrated. Every time I get up, I will likely need help.

5p - Jow makes dinner. Hopefully, hot buttered rice. Had to Peapod this week, too tired to manage grocery shopping.

6p - Can't go out. April will come over and keep me company for a bit.

7p - Can't help with housework or putting away groceries. Feel listless and agitated and oh yeah pain.

8p - Jow packs my lunch for me. Figure out spoon/shower situation. Sometimes, I don't have enough spoons to shower. It's too hard to stand that long and the cold is too hard on my body. I have elaborate non showering rituals: washing my hair (if really spoonless, just my bangs and just shampoo) in the sink, using cucumber cleaning cloths, scrubbing my nails, cleaning my ears, deodorant, etc.

9p - Five more pills, telly.

10:30p - Mala, see if Jow will read to me to calm my brain down. Can't manage reading too much on my own. Trouble getting to sleep. Uncomfortable in bed, even with memory foam. Brain racing, so tired can't sleep.

11:30p - Sleep

Lather, rinse, maim until the flare up ends.


* This is an issue because (a) who really likes extra non consentual pain? and (b) sometimes people will genuinely try to be sympathetic about it, which is kind but the issue is they usually say something along the lines of, I'm so sorry you're in pain. :( Which is met by a puzzled, . . . .but I'm in pain all day every day? The abnormality here isn't the pain, it's the extra pain. I think it's really difficult for people to wrap their head around the concept of constant pain. I'm . . .used to it at this point so I don't talk much about it. It's been almost ten years. Maybe I need to talk more about it so people remember it's a constant thing? I don't know. To me it's like saying, it sure is awesome breathing air today! It's more difficult for me when I have the incredibly rare day I'm not in pain because it's like, oh yeah! This is how most people feel most of the time!