corvaxgirl (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
corvaxgirl) wrote2010-06-07 11:38 am
corvaxgirl) wrote2010-06-07 11:38 am
New York/ Concrete jungle where dreams are made of/ these streets will make you feel brand new . . .
It wasn't so long ago when I was the walking dead. I wore sweats every day to work, I couldn't eat anything except sun dried tomato flavored Triscuits and bleu cheese. I couldn't sleep. I would go to work and then lie on the couch, every day getting a little worse. It started when he left and downward spiraled every day a little more to finding his shit gone (at least what he cared about, the rest was for me to clean much later) to finding out by checking our bank account and a phone call that we were getting divorced. I didn't know the details yet, I was scrabbling to try to figure out how to not get evicted, how to pay bills, how to figure out health care and prescriptions. I had a long list of sexxxxy mystery ailments ranging from psorsis to mystery hives and rashes.
A. already knew, she was subjected to my psychotically hysterical phone calls on the matter. I knew she would fill D. in with the relevent information, it's how our mindlink has always worked. And when there was nothing for me to do, I just . . .didn't do anything but go to work. They came over when divorce was certain, armed with my favorite things - a jug of cosmos and a metric ton of Sex in the City. They didn't say too much, they didn't need to. I just needed them to be there for me, and they were. As we were watching, one of my favorite episodes came on, The Agony and the 'Ex'-tacy where Charlotte says, "Don't laugh at me, but maybe we can be each other's soul-mates? And then, we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with." And I just started tearing up because we all looked at each other and said, Yeah. I think retrospectively, it's when I knew somehow, things would eventually be okay again. Maybe not soon, but eventually. And I'd get through it because I'd have them holding me up and we would always have each other.
I had been excited about SitC2 since they started promo'ing it, and it wasn't so much because of the story or the glamorous settings and clothes (though that's fun too), but because of what it represents to me - that it's possible to have lasting, fufilling friendships that may grow and change over the years, but that the closeness doesn't have to go away, even with marriage and babies. And much like the movie, two years later, here we are, completely changed but still together.
I never would have believed then that my life could be so much better - that I could be stronger, happier, more confident, more in charge of myself, in strong, healthy relationships, self supporting, more fit, financially stable, a homeowner, and soon to be an aunt. And of course a few new fabulous pieces in my closet. I think I was always so excited to get to my thirties because of SitC, Carrie owned so many awesome shoes, was so pretty, had close friends and hot men, had an awesome writing career and a kick ass apartment and always had time to catch a martini with the girls. It gave me something to look forward to. My twenties were fraught with societial expectation, being overworked and overstressed, not knowing what I was doing, having a lot of money but no sense with it, and stress eating. Why dread my thirties? Why wouldn't I be hotter, faster, stronger and better?
So far so good. And I couldn't've done it without my soulmates.
A. already knew, she was subjected to my psychotically hysterical phone calls on the matter. I knew she would fill D. in with the relevent information, it's how our mindlink has always worked. And when there was nothing for me to do, I just . . .didn't do anything but go to work. They came over when divorce was certain, armed with my favorite things - a jug of cosmos and a metric ton of Sex in the City. They didn't say too much, they didn't need to. I just needed them to be there for me, and they were. As we were watching, one of my favorite episodes came on, The Agony and the 'Ex'-tacy where Charlotte says, "Don't laugh at me, but maybe we can be each other's soul-mates? And then, we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with." And I just started tearing up because we all looked at each other and said, Yeah. I think retrospectively, it's when I knew somehow, things would eventually be okay again. Maybe not soon, but eventually. And I'd get through it because I'd have them holding me up and we would always have each other.
I had been excited about SitC2 since they started promo'ing it, and it wasn't so much because of the story or the glamorous settings and clothes (though that's fun too), but because of what it represents to me - that it's possible to have lasting, fufilling friendships that may grow and change over the years, but that the closeness doesn't have to go away, even with marriage and babies. And much like the movie, two years later, here we are, completely changed but still together.
I never would have believed then that my life could be so much better - that I could be stronger, happier, more confident, more in charge of myself, in strong, healthy relationships, self supporting, more fit, financially stable, a homeowner, and soon to be an aunt. And of course a few new fabulous pieces in my closet. I think I was always so excited to get to my thirties because of SitC, Carrie owned so many awesome shoes, was so pretty, had close friends and hot men, had an awesome writing career and a kick ass apartment and always had time to catch a martini with the girls. It gave me something to look forward to. My twenties were fraught with societial expectation, being overworked and overstressed, not knowing what I was doing, having a lot of money but no sense with it, and stress eating. Why dread my thirties? Why wouldn't I be hotter, faster, stronger and better?
So far so good. And I couldn't've done it without my soulmates.