![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
corvaxgirlIf you are [secretly bitter and resentful], after i've asked repeatedly and you've repeatedly said you're okay and a little nervous, if it's more than that, not to be a bitch, but it's not my problem because you haven't been honest with me. So I work off the assumption you're being honest with me. I mean of course, if you realize you're a little more worried than you thought or something happens to upset you and you talk about it with me, no problem, we'll work it out. But if you're secretly harboring massive resentment and you don't talk to me about it, not my problem frankly. The only life I can manage is my own and i need to be able to trust the people in my life to be functioning adults who can be responsible for their own lives too.
(You've thought a lot about this haven't you?)
Nothing like a $5,000 divorce to give one pause about these things. I don't think it's necessary to take things to the logical extreme (i.e. I say something mean and you're hurt and it's your problem you're hurt not mine!!) but it's certainly made me think a lot about boundaries and responsibility.
And at the end of the day I think everyone is responsible for their own happiness, their own financial future, and being able to function as adults (i.e. paying bills, feeding one's self, clothing one's self, medical attention, etc.). and if you're not able to do those things on your own, it's your job to ask for help with whatever. I mean what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I haven't just become more aggressive about policing this in other people to maintain my boundries, but mostly to hold myself accountable to these standards.
I figure if I can survive adult life on my own, then besides grief and sadness of someone's crazy has shifted enough that we can't have a relationship together, I'll be okay. Not immediately, but eventually. I was okay eventually when my dad died, when i got fibro, when wasband left. I will be okay again if something else terrible happens.
So for me it comes down to believing in myself and my ability to be okay, and I believe in that.
(You've thought a lot about this haven't you?)
Nothing like a $5,000 divorce to give one pause about these things. I don't think it's necessary to take things to the logical extreme (i.e. I say something mean and you're hurt and it's your problem you're hurt not mine!!) but it's certainly made me think a lot about boundaries and responsibility.
And at the end of the day I think everyone is responsible for their own happiness, their own financial future, and being able to function as adults (i.e. paying bills, feeding one's self, clothing one's self, medical attention, etc.). and if you're not able to do those things on your own, it's your job to ask for help with whatever. I mean what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I haven't just become more aggressive about policing this in other people to maintain my boundries, but mostly to hold myself accountable to these standards.
I figure if I can survive adult life on my own, then besides grief and sadness of someone's crazy has shifted enough that we can't have a relationship together, I'll be okay. Not immediately, but eventually. I was okay eventually when my dad died, when i got fibro, when wasband left. I will be okay again if something else terrible happens.
So for me it comes down to believing in myself and my ability to be okay, and I believe in that.
