corvaxgirl: (r+j juliet dead)
corvaxgirl ([personal profile] corvaxgirl) wrote2011-07-23 05:37 pm

I don't know what [s]he meant to me/ I just know that she affected me/ an affect not unlike her art

I am rabid in my love for her, her songs have always been deeply meaningful to me, her voice was always soulful and I kept hoping that she would be able to beat her demons, but in the end she couldn't and joined the 27 Club. People are upset because people like myself are talking about her today when things are awful in Oslo. Believe me, I'm thinking about that too, it's hard not to. But for me, her music was life changing for me. I hate the cheap jokes, like the inevitability of what happened makes it any less tragic. If that was the case then . . .cancer and other terminal illnesses wouldn't be tragic. Seeing it coming doesn't make it any easier. Seeing someone lose their battle with their addiction (something I've seen super up close and personal) is always ugly and painful because the addiction takes the light that person brought to the world out with it. It was easy to overlook her talent in the face of her demons, but she really had it. If you only think of "Rehab", that's the tip of the iceburg. Listen to Back to Black to really hear what she's about.

The things a lot of people didn't like about her were exactly what I loved - her crazy hair, her boldness, her tats . . .I wore my hair like her for my bachelorette party, my mom did it for me, reminiscing about how she did her hair like that for her engagement, a link bringing us a little closer together as I sat on a little stool in her bathroom covered in pins and hairspray.

And yeah, I always secretly wished that Adele, Amy and Kate all started an I don't give a fuck girl band together.

Phil Burcato spoke very eloquently and articulately about the Machine and Amy on facebook:

"The music business thrives on, exploits, rewards and feeds self-destructive neurosis. Art in general, and music in particular, gives wounded people a powerful outlet for pain. (cf. Michael Jackson.) The really wounded ones with commensurate talent, looks or both get to dance with their shadows and receive huge validation for doing so. The catch? Success locks them into a cycle where self-destruction forms not only part of that vocation's glamour but a very real part of its sincerity. Put simply, a talented wounded mess creates art from her pain; if she takes steps to fix the problem, she also risks losing her "edge" - that is, the wounding that makes that art so effective. Thus, there are several very convincing factors - internal as well as external - working AGAINST anything less than total flame-out. Beyond the obvious - and, let's be honest, undeniable - glamour of a burnt-out rock star (cf. Beatles vs Stones... even though one of the two IS still making music!), there's also the very real fact that pain DOES fuel creativity. As I've often said, "We cut ourselves and bleed art," and that's not really an exaggeration. An artist who manages to get his/ her/ its/their shit together usually DOES lose a vital part of what makes their work interesting. If that artist is lucky, dedicated and sane, s/he can find some NEW and HEALTHIER avenue toward creative edge. Most folks aren't that hard-working and fortunate, though... especially not considering how the music field personally and professionally rewards romantic oblivion. (cf. Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison, Vicious, Cobain, etc. etc. etc...) There's a reason for the car-accident appeal of BEHIND THE MUSIC... the same reason the story arc is so familiar. Wounded people gravitate toward art because it makes them/ us feel better, offers rewards often denied by (or impossible in) "mainstream society, and holds the potential for experiences everyone dreams of but few folks ever achieve. In return, however, an artist (especially in the music industry) winds up enmeshed in what Motely Crue referred to in their marvelous book THE DIRT as "The Machine." A succession of metaphorical levels and gears either takes aspiring artists up to dizzying but devastating heights, mashes them to pulp, or leaves them back at the starting line wishing they could go further. As the Crue point out, once you're ON The Machine, the only way off is to die. Healthy or otherwise, you're on there for the duration... and The Machine prefers a profitably glamorous corpse to a well-adjusted craftsman. (cf. the "cool appeal" of Motley Crue vs Rush.) No matter HOW sane and well-adjusted you try to be, The Machine drives you without mercy, feeding you every challenge and potential indulgence imaginable. If you try to fix yourself, you risk alienating your audience and collaborators (cf the film METALLICA: SOME KIND OF MONSTER.) If you hang on and go along for the ride, you almost inevitably wreck yourself and your career unless you're REALLY solid head-wise... at which point, your old audience will eventually consider you a boring old has-been. (cf. U2.) Maybe you can even recover from your fall and pull things back together again without dying (cf. Britney Spears.) I, however, you're someone like Amy Winehouse, gg allin or Fiona Apple, you resolve to make performance art out of your self-destruction and pray you leave a memorable legacy behind. And in THAT regard, Winehouse won the game, even as she lost her life. Call it tragedy, because it IS... but let's by honest: That's the business, too."

And April at Regretsy was awesome as always.